dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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