Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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