Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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