If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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