you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
