is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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