I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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