My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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