I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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