Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize