god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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