be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
