no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
