Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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