We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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