ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
