We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
