cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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