you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
