you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
