at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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