I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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