The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Houston, we have a squirter
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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