I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
