You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize