My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
