Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize