i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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