Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
