I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
