why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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