who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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