oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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