thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
