I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
