scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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