Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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