I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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