just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
