Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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