party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
