Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
