listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
FUCK WHALES
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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