# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
