It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
