"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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