"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
