youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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