I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
