go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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