He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
