He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
