plz talk dirty to me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
