I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
