it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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