hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize