She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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