after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize