Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
