Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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