remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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