awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Life is so much better after having sex.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
