i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
