Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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