They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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