Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
