There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
