you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
