I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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