He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
